Sexual Preferences

Today in one of my classes we discussed homosexuality. It was good because by the end we all discovered that none of us know what we think about it. I still don't know. Many of you who know me know that I love people, all of them. It is very hard for me to love some, but for me, I don't have to work at loving homosexual people. Some of them drive me nuts, not because of their homosexuality, but because of characteristics that strait people have as well. Perhaps it was the way I was raised. So naturally, I was standing in a different part of the room from the majority.

This is what I am thinking, NOT what I think. What I think is what the gospel thinks, I just don't know what it thinks about everything yet.

I believe that the Spirit changes people. I don't believe that people change people. We can do all we want, but people are who God made them to be. I am not saying that God did or didn't make homosexuals that way. I'm not one, so I don't really know how people become one, or if they even "become" one. What I am saying is that I have seen a man who was addicted to alcohol for thirty six years quit cold turkey when he accepted the Spirit into his life through Jesus Christ. I have seen the way that it changed him into a fruitful follower. I know homosexuals who are remarkably fruitful. Only good trees have good fruit. What I am saying is this: If, to be fruitful, you must be consumed,convicted, and transformed by the Spirit, then the fruitful people are consumed, have been convicted, and are being transformed by the Spirit. For this man who was an alcoholic, his vice kept him from being fruitful, and when it was defeated, he became fruitful. If a person is living a fruitful life that is dictated by the Spirit, and they are homosexual, and aren't hindered by this, I have a hard time telling them to stop it. Especially when I reflect on myself. I am fighting pride, and slowly winning because God despises it. It threatens my relationship with God on a minutely basis and even worse than this, it threatens other people's relationship with God. My vice ruins me and destroys everyone else. The homosexual's vice, if you want to call it that, is between he/she, God, and a few others. Who am I to call them wrong for something that is not as bad for the Kingdom as my own fault is? I mean, yeah, I think saw dust in their eye is disgusting and I don't in any way want to be a part of it, but what about this sexy plank in my own eye?

It seems to me that they would be changed by the Spirit if it were really that big of an issue.

I'm not saying that I'm a supporter. I'm also not saying that I'm not. I am simply saying that I want to love them as He loves me. Even in the event that homosexuality is wrong, Jesus loves them. I know that because I know that pride is wrong, and he still loves me.

I am really just exploring. Please tell me what you think. If you write something hateful or that is clearly a reiteration of what your parents told you, and that you haven't actually thought about, I'm not going to think about it either. Just a heads up. And because of my pride, I will probably judge you. Forgive me. I'm trying.

Satan

Satan is scared because he knows better than anyone that he has lost. Unfortunately he is really good at some things. One is lying. He is a liar. He will convince us that we aren't good enough and that we need things. He knows that all we need is the father, and so if he can convince us that we need anything but that, he has been successful. Many people immediately think of drugs and sex, but he uses all of the options. He uses family, the bible, church, religion, music, Hannah Montanna, and everything else.

Satan isn't a creator, he is a manipulator. God is the creator. Satan takes God's work and bends it and breaks it. When you feel like he is dominating your life and it feels like there is nothing you can do to stop him, it is true, you can't. That's why Jesus did what he did. The life of Christ and the crucifixion was way more than a stunt. It was a victory-

It was The Victory.

Satan knows it. He is well aware that he lost, and it drives him nuts.
Give it to him. : )
Don't be cocky for the sake of being cocky, but show him, by the way you live, that Jesus has given you the very thing that he has so desperately tried to take. Grab onto Jesus and watch as Satan literally runs in fear. He knows that he doesn't stand a chance against our Lord.

As soon as you realize that the battle has been won, your life will change. As soon as Christ is more what you are than you are, Satan will scream with fear. Satan will not try to mess with Jesus. If you become a part of the body of Jesus, what does that tell you about Satan's new view of you?
Please don't misread this. He is still there and will always(in this part of life) try to get to you. But the more you are consumed by God, the harder, and more risky it will be for him to poke at you.
Why do we act like he is the biggest thing in our life? He doesn't deserve that kind of credit, especially since it isn't true- Well, it isn't true in my life, I can't speak for everyone, but I do know that the God, who has chosen me to live, is WAY bigger and WAY stronger than Satan.

Satan is real.
Satan sucks.
Satan is good at things.
Satan makes my life difficult.
Satan knows that through Jesus Christ, I am more than a threat.
Are you?

Satan is vanquished. JESUS IS KING!
Let's live like it.
Amen.

Friends.

Last night
I stayed up late
with two of my favorite people.
We talked about really sad things
and our goals that are probably not going to happen because we're
not meant for them.
It was sad,

but we did it together.
Life is like that.

Life is good
when we have each other.

It was a good night.
I'd die for them.

Wells

It is understood that water sustains life. Everything needs it. When it doesn't fall on us, or when we can't find a place in which there is so much of it that it that it has a permanent establishment, we have to dig. I don't have much experience pulling water from wells in the ground, but the concept is remarkably applicable to my life. I am constantly digging for more, I want more. There are worships in which it is very clear that I'm standing, submerged, in an ocean. There are "worships" in which I am dehydrated and standing in the sand. Water is good and I need it, so I'll usually drink what ever I can get my hands on while I'm in the desert that is this world.

Two days ago when I woke up my first thoughts were wishful. I was wishing to go back to sleep and not have to do anything, to not have to look for water. As I climbed out of bed I realized the intensity of my exhaustion and almost prayed that I could just go back to sleep. The morning continued in this way and I didn't like it. As I went into my 8 o'clock class, art, I caught the eyes of my brother Aaron. He's a junior and has been a true blessing in my life. I spend lots of time at his house and we spend lots of time building each other up. Somehow, this morning, I had forgotten about him, so when I saw him I was almost surprised. I walked over to his seat and sat next to him.

Our eyes met.
My day changed.
I don't know how to explain it.
I was rejuvenated instantly and I wanted to
hug people.

This is how it has to be! If you don't need your brothers to make it through this life, you're doing it wrong. Christ lives within each of us. Now, if we are trying to build a relationship with Christ, it only makes since that we would need to connnect with him. Our hearts, as Christ followers, are filled with the Spirit. Holy water is overflowing. It's amazing to see the way that the Spirit initiated restoration of my heart without me asking for it! Just being spiritually connected with my brother in Christ made everything better. We should be walking wells. When people look into our eyes, they should be looking into the eyes of Jesus. When you look into the eyes of Jesus, you change. You won't be the same.

Proverbs 4:23 says: Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.

This is true. I am so concious of my intake now. I no longer tolorate my eyes tearing apart my soul. I will no longer let my thoughts destroy my soul. I will no longer let my hate destroy everything in its path. Don't you see?! We must stay pure, not only for our own sake, but for the sake of others. For our water to be pure, we have to keep it that way. Don't misunderstand me. I don't mean to say that it is our job to make sure that we're without sin. I am simply saying that it is our job to regulate what we let into our heart.

Guard it. The Lord has filled it with his perfect water. Don't let the world use it as a toilet, for we are a well, people drink from us. Do you want your brothers and sisters drinking from a toilet? I don't. Brings a whole new perspective to the concept of my words being an over flow of my heart. Are you throwing crappy water at people, or clean? Are you drinking from clean wells, or wells with poop in em?

Politics

If a "Real Christian" will vote for a particular party, what does that say about the Christians who don't live in the U.S.?

Please read this. I'm not trying to change you. And the truth is, if I were, it wouldn't matter because if what you believe is truth, nothing will shake it. Right? : ) Which reminds me of a very different topic that I lilke to ponder- What do you actually want? Truth or comfort? That's an other can of worms for an other day.

We have meshed a culture of humans with a faith of God. We are viewing something supernatural and sacred through the eyes of something disgustingly polluted. Through the eyes of something that makes people kill each other. That's not okay.
I used to argue about political issues. I don't now. Not because I am "bigger than that," or because I have lost all hope in convincing people that I'm right. It's because I don't care anymore. The closer I get to God, the less I care about my government.

The condition of my government shouldn't effect the condition of my spirituality. If it does, my faith is at a humanly level. My faith is not at a humanly level, so what does that tell you about my concern for government?

Don't misunderstand me, I don't mean to say that this stuff doesn't matter; it does. Just not to me. You older folks may say something like, "Oh but you're young and don't have kids. So you don't know what it means to need protection and stability." Or "You haven't lived long enough to know what you really think." Maybe. It's possible. I'm open to these statements having merit. But currently, I don't think so. I am talking to a God that has no boundaries. He has no limits, literally, nothing can stop him. I don't think it's spiritually healthy to base my values on and find my comfort in conditional circumstances produced by human decision. I want my values to be based on the ideas of an infinitely everlasting authority.(That last part may have been redundant, but He is good enough to get two words meaning the same thing to describe him.) If this country is taken over by an other, and the conditions of living become harsh, I won't blame God, and I honestly don't think my love for him will be shaken. If anything, based on my observation of historical events depicted in the bible, I think my faith will be strengthened.

I believe that in bad times we come closer to him because it is only then that we can truly see that the "reality" we are in isn't good enough. It never is, but most of the time, (for us americans especially), we can convince ourselves that life is good with pleasures of the flesh. What will we do when we run out of the supplies we need for our pleasures? And we will. Bad times are simply times when the supplies aren't right, or here. I am calling us to realize one thing: God doesn't require supplies. So if you're claiming to live a life with God, then you're claiming to not need any of this. None. That's madness, but I want it.

Please don't think I am asking you to agree with me. I do recognize and appreciate the people who will rise up in the government and make things better. I believe God calls for that in some. This was written so that you will know where I am called. I don't think that where I am called is better. I am just beginning to see that where I am called to is nothing like the place I see other people living in. It's a place without boundaries and without condemnation. It's a place where my love for and dependency on God makes everything else completely irrelevant. If you know me, then you know that I am clearly not living this yet. But caterpillars will one day be butterflies. Assuming the other caterpillars don't kill them first. (Martin Luther King, Jr. Uhhhh let's see... who else?...JESUS!) To name a couple. (Lucky for them, they had connections. So do I.)

I have some scripture to back all this up. But I freakin(euphemism) hate it when Rush Limbaugh uses Godly stuff to back himself up, so I won't do it. And I know, I know, I kind of did up there, but not with scripture, the word of God. It's because I can't claim that I understand God. I can only claim that I'm desperately trying to.

If you have scripture that proves the things I have said wrong, please give it to me. I have lots to back up most of this, but I'm a blind man interpreting a movie, only being able to make out the dynamics of the audio. I'm looking for deaf people who want to share their insight with me so we can figure this thing out. It's a good thing that the Holy Spirit knows sign language and verbal language.

Awake

This morning I woke up in a new way. It usually takes me a while to "come to," often longer than it takes for my first class to start. I walk around like a zombie looking for life of some sort. Today was new, I woke up quickly with excitement. My mind was racing from the second my eyes opened. My thoughts have been moving like trains ever since.

As I slept last night, I had dreams. Some were stimulated by real outside sources, like my coffee maker. As it made coffee this morning, I began to have coffee show up in my dream. I even had a dream about a real event that happened yesterday. But the thing about dreams is this: They're not real. They can be about real things and even stimulated by real things, but they themselves are not real. Life is like this for too many of us.

We're living in a false reality that is at times based on truth but is not wholly truth.(pun intended)

What I am saying is this: Let's stop thinking of God as a drug and start thinking of him as a life. He doesn't come into us and make us feel different, He consumes us and transforms us into new things! Drugs wear off, the new creation that I am with Jesus is eternal. I believe that, I always said I did, but seriously- I BELIEVE THAT. Do you?

This is real. Nothing is impossible with my God. Nothing is impossible with my God! Why do we keep putting him in a box? He doesn't fit in boxes! if you have successfully shoved him into one, than most of him is outside of it. You may get little bits and pieces of him here and there, and that's great, but I want all of him! I want everything he has to offer me. Isn't that what he gave us?! He gave himself.

We are cups that are mostly empty and all we're doing is putting what water we have into each others cups, and that's great, but come on!

You can't find your fulfillment in a cup that isn't filled!

Let's tap into the spring of life, let's be filled with the holy water and never, ever go thirsty again. I think Jesus meant it when he said it to the Samaritan woman. Let's be with God. We sit around and pray and wait for our "calling." I have prayed things like, " God, I won't move until you tell me to. I want to follow your will for me, tell me it and I'll act. Where should I go?" He's saying this, "It's not about where your going, trust me on that one!(faith) I am telling you that it's not okay to be where you are. Move closer to me. Advance." When he spoke to Abraham he said," Leave your country, your people and your father's household and go to the land I will show you." (Genesis 12)

He will show us!

He has promised us good things, is that not enough? We as a people need to look into his word and take it more seriously. God doesn't lie or exaggerate. I believe that if he says it, it's true. Let's use our lives to prove it. Let's start acting like saved people and stop acting like the world that is dying around us. Let's act like we have a hope. WE DO!
Live life. Live reality. There is one god who is God and who is holy. Wake up.

Bowls

Life is more than you think.
It doesn't stop when the debt is paid.
It doesn't stop when the death is gone.
We have been made rich and are being made richer by the second.
Grace is not like pouring out a bowl and then having him come fill it back up.
Grace is like throwing the empty bowl into an ocean.
What he did is doing more than you think.

Being "saved" isn't a check mark in the box on a piece of paper. It's the first page of a long, good, book with lots of pictures.

For if, when we were God's enemies, we were reconciled to him, through the death of his son, how much more, having been reconciled, shall we be saved through his life! Not only is this so, but we also rejoice in God through our lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have received reconciliation.
Romans 5:10-11

The Cross

The cross is so good. I am glad. It sucked. A lot. But I'm Glad it happened.
We as a christian culture are to focussed on the cross. We are worshiping it instead of the guy on it.
The cross is not the pinnacle, life with the father is. The cross is the climax, or turning point. It was at the death on the cross that all of existence took a violent turn. Everything changed. All of it. The world would never, ever be the same. I think that what we are missing is what is most important: The result.

If you're angry, please bear with me and read the whole thing.

Why did Jesus die on the cross? You all know. He died for our sins and as the hymn says, "Jesus paid it all." Okay, cool. So now what? Has it not occurred to us that when you pay for something, you get it? We don't give the cashier the money and walk away without the product. So if He paid it all, I think it's safe to assume that He was paying for something? Something worth all of Him.

It's like this: Jesus wants to play catch with me, but we don't have a foot ball. As I reach into my pockets, I find that I am broke, in fact, I owe the football store money. Jesus, with his great love, smiles and says "I'll be right back." He comes back with a ball and a sheet of paper saying that my debt is paid. (Now remember the goal, to play catch with Jesus.) He hands me the ball and I stare at it with amazement. As he tries to get me to throw it to him, I resist and say things to him like- "Thank you so much for this!" and " You are so good! How could you give up all that you had to pay for this? To pay for me?" He smiles and says "because I love you. Now let's play." I look at the ball and then repeat the process. I thank him over and over again for paying for the ball. Jesus is annoyed.

He wants to play. So bad that he went and paid the price for it. But we're still not playing because we're standing in a building on sunday with our arms up in the air looking like silhouettes in front of the beautifully produced screens, thanking him for his death instead asking him for his life.

It is because of the death we can live. But we aren't living! Don't you see?! We are called to live with him, literally. We can talk to him and he can talk to us. He will hold us and fill us with his Spirit as we take a breath. He is Life. He is holy. If we were actually living with him, we'd be changing. If we were actually praying, conversing with him, we would be changed every single time.The world would be changing. Because if he is holy, which he is, contact with him will change everything about who you were prior to the contact. When dirty meets clean one of two things will happen. Either they will both get dirty, or both get clean. God is perfect, therefore he will always be perfect, therefore our contact with him will not change him, and because something has to change, it becomes very clear who it is-US! We aren't living. Lets throw the ball! Yes, we will drop it a few times, but practice makes perfect! Let's live as he has called us to live! Through baptism, our own death and resurrection, we are united with him in the death and brought by him to the life. New Creations, made for life and not death! (Romans 6 poorly and ignorantly crammed into a nutshell)

Next time you pray, believe that He is there with you as you do it. I promise you he is. Believe. Have faith. He is alive and will smother your heart and it will overflow like a spring. This love is like nothing else. Ever. It is real.

"Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly father is perfect."
Matt 5:48

Plagiarism(I copied and pasted this word from dictionary.com)

I am not the source of truth. At times, I am a small tree producing good fruit. But how can the tree make the fruit without the sun water and soil?(trinity)(Put that in your pipe and smoke it.) Everything that is good that I say is from somewhere else. I won't claim that all of the things I say are traced back to the bible. I wish they were, but I really don't get this stuff well enough to actually act like it's how I live. I'm good at faking it and looking like a follower of the Lord. But you don't see the inside of my head or my hardened heart like I do. And I don't see it like He does. I'm glad He's so good.

Today a kid ran up to me and told me that what I said in class was awesome and wanted to know how I come up with these crazy things. I told him that I'm not coming up with anything new. All I do is look at stuff closer than most.

I am typing this to tell you readers that I am not anything special, at least not any more than any of you. The more I read the more I see that "my" ideas are actually not mine at all. They are from within me, yes, but my eyes are blue because my mom gave them to me. "He's got his mother's eyes." They are hers. The things I say are reflections and sometimes even exact replicas of things other people said. It's usually things C.S. Lewis said, which are things that George Macdonald said, which are things that the bible said. I think you get the point. Sometimes I even think of things as I watch trees and squirrels and stuff and get all kinds of excited at my original thought just to read about them in the writings of an Irish monk. I'm inheriting ideas and showing them to people who don't look for them. The true source of all that is good is God. The bible is a good spring. Fill your buckets.

I hope most of you didn't need to read this. I'm not arrogant. I only wrote this because of the kid who spoke to me today. What a misunderstanding. I hope he's the only one.

Please question everything you read. All of it.

We're chickens laying on our stomachs with a line of sight limited to what's in front of us.

Chickens

An elementary school kid has a limited view of the world and his role in it. If you ask them about matters of human existence they will probably speak of a playground and dinosaurs and fire-trucks. Their view of things is quite limited.

A circle does not understand the concept of a cube. If you were to present the idea of a third dimension to a circle, it wouldn't have the mental capacity to wrap its mind around the idea of a third dimension. It's view of reality is quite limited.

If you told the elementary school student why he needed good grades and why that is more important than recess, they wouldn't understand to the extent you do, for life as they have experienced it is veiled. Their view is quite limited.

If somehow you were able to explain to the the circle what a third dimension could even be, he wouldn't really get it, it's beyond his perceptual understanding of existence. His view is quite limited.

If you were to talk to a human about Godly matters, he'd think he got it because he's an arrogent prick, but he wouldn't. His view is quite limited.

My point is this: Realize where you stand in the stories. We are created beings. The creator MUST know more than us about the flow of things and what is actually important. If we are working with two dimensions, vertical and horizontal, He is seeing the third one. If we are elementary school kids focussed more on recess and less on development, he is the parent desperately trying to make life for their kid better than their own was. Instead of wasting time showing people how good we are at the monkey bars; a hopeless effort to get girls to chase you- but not actually tag you because that would be gross, why don't we listen to the adult? You may say, " It's not that simple!" But it is.

If there is actually more to it then riddle me this: How is money any different from monkey bars? We do all we can to impress by using our strength and gifts to make it across. If that's not good enough, we'll even hang upside down and do flips. I've seen a kid belly flop into the gravel. On purpose. Once we have won the attention, or gotten the cash, we delight in people's jealous attempts to catch up to us and get what we have. It's all fun until one actually catches you or until you fall and scrape you knee. Plus, you may be the king of the playground. But it's an F-ing playground! Whoop-T-Freakin-do. Let's leave the playground and go to nap time so we can actually learn something.

Don't limit yourself to the standards of the world. They're all two dimensional and they are all recreational. The God has a view of things that we don't. Faith for me is to realize that and trust him on it and to do as he says, even if it means I'm the weird kid eating rocks in the corner of the blacktop. You will never understand the three dimensional view of things until the mediator from the third dimension is in your heart to explain it to you and to lead you through it. Jesus is sacrificing all that he is to hold the dimensional door open and he is inviting into the building.

Don't let your view limit your greatness. If He told us to be holy, don't you think he meant it. It's not as impossible as you would think. He has done the work for us and the evil girl chasing him will never catch him.

Eyes

I'm tired of believing the things I see.
I'm ready to see the things I believe!

Too much of life, as people know it, is like a drug addiction. The first few times it gets you high, then you're only doing it to satisfy your chemical dependency. Look at society, it's everywhere. Marriages start with booms of sexual love, fun and even joy. But then 18 years later you find yourself just trying to keep things going. The church or "christian experience" is a prime example. One encounters the Spirit and is blown away by it, so they dive into this "Faith" and spend all of their energy trying to make it happen. Then they "fall" and encounter the Spirit again to get back up. Before they know it, this roller-coaster flattens and it's just a level plain, comfortably dependable. The week is a downslope leading to next sunday. This isn't how it is supposed to be!

We are called to be resurrected with the living Christ into a life that is true life. This wouldn't need to happen if what we were "living" was life already! The new is here because the old wasn't it! So why do we try to put the new things into an old box?!

Life doesn't fit in boxes.

The eye is merely a lens. You don't see with your eye, you see with your mind. Now, with that, see this: The world as you knew it, the life as you knew it, time as you knew it, is merely the truth through two eyes.

The real life is how you see, not what you see.

So open your hearts, and by the renewing of your mind let the Spirit show you what is actually there. The truth isn't what your eyes tell you.

The life we are called to through Jesus Christ is not one we were already living. The things you see will not look the same as before, for your way of seeing must be different. If you don't change your sight, Jesus is going to sound crazy.
Give to receive?

"Dude! You totally read my mind!"

A few days later, when Jesus again entered Capernaum, the people heard that he had come home. So many gathered that there was no room left, not even outside the door, and he preached the word to them. Some men came, bringing to him a paralytic, carried by four of them. Since they could not get him to Jesus because of the crowd, they made an opening in the roof above Jesus and, after digging through it, lowered the mat the paralyzed man was lying on. When Jesus saw their faith, he said to the paralytic, "Son, your sins are forgiven."
Now some teachers of the law were sitting there, thinking to themselves, "Why does this fellow talk like that? He's blaspheming! Who can forgive sins but God alone?"

Immediately Jesus knew in his spirit that this was what they were thinking in their hearts, and he said to them, "Why are you thinking these things? Which is easier: to say to the paralytic, 'Your sins are forgiven,' or to say, 'Get up, take your mat and walk'? But that you may know that the Son of Man has authority on earth to forgive sins . . . ." He said to the paralytic, "I tell you, get up, take your mat and go home." He got up, took his mat and walked out in full view of them all. This amazed everyone and they praised God, saying, "We have never seen anything like this!"

Sucks to be a teacher of the law. Not only is Jesus making them look bad by being amazing and preaching with authority, and forgiving people of their sins, but He's reading their minds. I would be pretty mad if I spent my life trying to get to a certain point, only to have some man from who knows where come and be better. It's like going to Juliard and mastering in musical composition and getting shown up by the blues playing hobo down the street.(Okay, not exactly, but you see the point.) The focus of this story is usually the faith of the men who brought the paralytic, and rightfully so, this is a vital message about faith and our responsibility to each other. But man, think about what it must have been like to think to yourself some pouty things and then have the guy you were thinking about come up to you and call you out on it. Can you say intimidating? or annoying?

What would He say if he was reading my thoughts and my heart? Scratch that.
WHEN He is reading them.
Probably somegthing allong the lines of-
"Father forgive him, for he doesn't know what he does... Yeah I know he's an idiot, you already said that, but trust me on this one- give him an other chance."

Worship

Why don't we know what worship is?
The same reason a pot doesn't know what holding a plant is.

The God who made us made us to worship him as a potter makes a pot to hold a plant. The fundamental difference is that our God tells us why we are and how to be and gives us a choice as to whether or not we are going to accept the fact that we are. The truth is this: all of creation is worshipping, no exceptions.
We are called to be one body. In fact, when Jesus prayed for us, that was his prayer.
"...that all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you."

God made everything. All of it. He made stars, mountains, trees, rabbits, slugs, rocks, water, and a few other things. It wasn't enough. So he made you. Creation didn't glorify Him quite the way he wanted it to, so he made you! My mind is blown by my existence. When I look at a person, I see a person. When I look at nature, my breath is taken from me. God doesn't see things like this. When he sees the stars and plants he loves them, but not even close to the way he loves us! The fact that he made us after them is proof that they weren't enough and that we are wanted and loved. This tells me two things-
1. People matter way more than I thought they did.
2. God must find his work a million times more beautiful than I do, for he knows how much work it took, so for me to see it and be silenced by it, makes me wonder how much he must be into it. So much that I can't imagine it. So with that, and the fact that He loves humanity much more than the rest of it, I am blown away. I am not capable of comprehending love as it truly is.

The closest I have come to this love is when I am talking to him, rather, when He talks to me. I saw my daughter in my mind during a prayer earlyer this year. I have never cried so hard. I am tearing up right now as I type this because I have Never seen anything even close to her beauty. She was so vulnerable and so perfect and so cute. I can't imagine something more precious and perfect. Something so wonderfully made that it could never ever do anything to keep me from loving it. My life is not the same because I am already doing and avoiding things for her sake. God must see us like this. He loves us so much that he will (and did) give up anything and everything for us. I am humbled. I am so humbled. I often wonder if he can actually see all of me because if he really could, why would he love this? But now I know.

We were made to worship. We were made to be loved. We were made to be one body, giving and receiving love from one father. Do it. Use your life to love as He does. There's only one way to possibly do it- Jesus Christ the Lord and Savior.

There is one body and one Spirit- just as you were called to one hope when you were called-one Lord, one faith, one baptism; one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all.
Ephesians 4:4-6

Led by the Spirit

I have been incredibly distressed for the past week or so over an issue with a girl. To be honest, I have never in my life felt pain or guilt or stress to this degree. I hate who I have been in this time, as it is not who I am. I have been short with and at times quite rude to the people I love and I have basically pushed all people out of my life. I don't say this in hopes of receiving comfort from those of you who are reading this, but to set up the story I'm about to tell.

My life has been rough and I haven't slept in quite some time.

Last night I laid awake, just like every other night this week. As I stared at the ceiling I thought about who I am and who I am supposed to be and how different those two people are. I thought about the person I am emotionally murdering and the reasons for it. I don't know if I actually prayed. I said words and meant them, but I think I was talking to myself or perhaps the fan more than anyone or anything else. As four o'clock came around I developed a strong urge to get out of bed and go to the second story, west wing of my dorms. It was as if someone was pulling me with a rope off of my bed. Naturally, I resisted and stayed. As four thirty came about I felt it again, this time with a violent tug. I prayed. It was then that it became very clear that I needed to go. I said to God, " If this is nothing, I'm going to be very disappointed." (As if I had something better to do.) I crawled out of bed, put on my sweet robe, grabbed my bible, and made my way down the stairs. The hall was empty(rightfully so, at this point it was four forty five.) so I said to God, " Whelp, weak. I'm going to bed." My legs disagreed. I tried to go to my room but my legs proceeded down the second west hallway. As the opposite end of the hall grew nearer I began to hear a faint music. It was coming from the commons room, so I went for it. In the room I found a boy, my age, sitting on the couch.

Normally I wouldn't think anything of this, but all of the normal people were asleep.

I said hi and introduced myself and he did the same. I told him the significance of my presence in his commons room and he smiled. We began to open up and find that we were in exactly the same boat. He described a situation with a girl that was almost exactly the same as mine. I am not going to address any facts about the situations for the girls' identities sake. We bonded and prayed and bonded some more. I could go on about our dialogue, but it's irrelevant.

What is relevant is that I have a new brother,
that I am with God again,
and last night at five thirty I fell asleep.

Faith

"Obviously, I used to say, a sane man accepts or rejects any statement, not because he wants to or does not want to, but because the evidence seems to him good or bad. If he were mistaken about the goodness or badness of the evidence, that wold not mean he was a bad man, but only that he was not very clever. And if he thought the evidence bad but tried to force himself to believe in spite of it, that would be merely stupid."
-C.S. Lewis
(Mere Christianity book 3 ch.11)

Lewis goes on to discuss the fact that the human thought process isn't governed by reason and therefore, the assumption that truth today is truth tomorrow, is rooted in ignorance. Faith is weird, we talk about it in church more than anything else, yet none of us know what it is. It could be as simple as the belief in the existence of something, but I think that the call for faith in Christ is deeper. Faith is, according to Paul, a virtue; it is active and vital.
If you were to ask me about my "faith" last week I would have told you that it was lacking. Last week was bad and therefore I felt like I was distanced from God. As a result, my "faith" was shaken. This is foolishness! Faith thrives, in fact, it only exists wen it is tested. A huge part of my faith is the fact that God is with me always, even when I'm not with Him. If the times are bad, focus on this truth, focus on the fact that strength comes with the belief in what is unseen. Of course I believe in trees, I see them every second of every day. But to believe in my God who is above all things and is too glorious for my eyes and heart to see is faith. To see that He is bigger than everything I have ever thought or imagined combined is faith. To see that, though He is big, He is inside of each and every persons eyes is faith. Faith is justified craziness. I don't know what it is, but I like to think that I have it. As I sat down to write this, I had a constant train of thought. But as I leave, I'm scattered and confused. I'm okay with that. I just read over it and man, this text is so unproductive. I'm sorry if this wasted any of your time. I am posting it simply to stimulate a thought. Try to figure out what faith is.

The Female Figure. (Or lack there of...)

I am so freakin tired of girls trying to be beautiful at the cost of their beauty. I am sick of seeing new photo posts of girls half naked and desperate for attention. I am sick of seeing beautiful girls who feel so bad about themselves that they have to change every aspect of their appearance on a daily basis, desperately trying to receive a compliment. I am sick of hearing guys talk about girls as if they were pretty cars.(Don't think that I am pointing fingers because I am guilty.) Truthfully, many girls these days are turning into cars. Cars are made by man to be enjoyed by man. Girls were made by God to be enjoyed by man, but with today's culture, things are changing. The definition of a "hot" girl now is NOT what it should be. Many guys, due to the pollution pornography is emitting, want a girl with circular, firm, fake boobs and with leathered brown skin and smelly perfume and a blank stare. Guys have created/adopted an image that is false. She might as well be a hunk of metal, an object created by man for his enjoyment. Girls- you aren't exactly helping, the hostility among girls can be beyond my imagination. I hate seeing the way girls will tear other ones down.

I can't stand the fact that girls are jeopardizing their beauty to become this product of societal expectation.

The girls in the magazines aren't beautiful. They are air brushed, plastic, computer-edited creations. They are not real. Why do real girls try to be fake ones?! All parties are guilty.( Girls and guys.) Come on people! Let's stop putting on blinders. Let's open our eyes to real beauty and real truth. Let's not let the world decide what we should look like. I am tired of the impact this issue has on every single person I know. I am praying hard for change. My god listens. Let's let Him use us! Be real.