Led by the Spirit

I have been incredibly distressed for the past week or so over an issue with a girl. To be honest, I have never in my life felt pain or guilt or stress to this degree. I hate who I have been in this time, as it is not who I am. I have been short with and at times quite rude to the people I love and I have basically pushed all people out of my life. I don't say this in hopes of receiving comfort from those of you who are reading this, but to set up the story I'm about to tell.

My life has been rough and I haven't slept in quite some time.

Last night I laid awake, just like every other night this week. As I stared at the ceiling I thought about who I am and who I am supposed to be and how different those two people are. I thought about the person I am emotionally murdering and the reasons for it. I don't know if I actually prayed. I said words and meant them, but I think I was talking to myself or perhaps the fan more than anyone or anything else. As four o'clock came around I developed a strong urge to get out of bed and go to the second story, west wing of my dorms. It was as if someone was pulling me with a rope off of my bed. Naturally, I resisted and stayed. As four thirty came about I felt it again, this time with a violent tug. I prayed. It was then that it became very clear that I needed to go. I said to God, " If this is nothing, I'm going to be very disappointed." (As if I had something better to do.) I crawled out of bed, put on my sweet robe, grabbed my bible, and made my way down the stairs. The hall was empty(rightfully so, at this point it was four forty five.) so I said to God, " Whelp, weak. I'm going to bed." My legs disagreed. I tried to go to my room but my legs proceeded down the second west hallway. As the opposite end of the hall grew nearer I began to hear a faint music. It was coming from the commons room, so I went for it. In the room I found a boy, my age, sitting on the couch.

Normally I wouldn't think anything of this, but all of the normal people were asleep.

I said hi and introduced myself and he did the same. I told him the significance of my presence in his commons room and he smiled. We began to open up and find that we were in exactly the same boat. He described a situation with a girl that was almost exactly the same as mine. I am not going to address any facts about the situations for the girls' identities sake. We bonded and prayed and bonded some more. I could go on about our dialogue, but it's irrelevant.

What is relevant is that I have a new brother,
that I am with God again,
and last night at five thirty I fell asleep.