Wound

After exiting a room where I sat
for too long and wrote about writers
for too long, the fruition of my sitting and reading
what writers wrote about what writers wrote
for too long, I stood still for a split second-
just long enough to breath-
and conclude that it has been too long.

The falling of string
led by the weight of the unwinding ball
as my lungs unravel the wind.

Blood and Love

I believe that in the body, unity matters more than anything else.

Who cares if your liver is perfect?
I don't care if your liver is perfect.
If you don't have the vessels connecting it to everything else,
enabling you to be a liver-
you're a deader.

Many people argue that the heart is the most important organ because without it we can't survive. Well, without vessels, a heart's effort is worthless.

I believe there is a heart and it is pumping. Our veins and arteries have been clotted with people who can't fully be anywhere because they are kind of everywhere like blood cells who spend all their time in the vessels because they can't associate themselves with any one organ because they all seem to have good and bad qualities and we're afraid to commit to anything that might make us appear to be something we're not bla bla bla I won't go to church because... It's time the love flowed like blood and the organs acted like they exist for the organism. The Church is who you are. The churches must become pieces of the Church by fully committing to their roles as parts and not wholes. People, commit to an organ knowing that without it the organism will not survive.

Church, we are not dead. We are not dying. But like my legs after math class, we have been sitting too still for too long to feel anything but an uncomfortable tingling where our limbs used to be.
Let's make an effort to let the blood flow. Let's not let the heart's hard work go to waste.

This is a message advocating unity because I believe it is Jesus' greatest concern for his body. When he prayed to his father, the most intimate relationship ever had, he revealed the deepest genuine concern of his heart. Read John 17 with the truth about it in mind: Jesus was close to death and asking for what he wanted most. I believe that what he prayed is the articulation of the will of God because the prayer was indeed God commissioning God. Therefore it will be done. (Period) Let's join the commission by joining the cells that are our lives to line the walls of vessels for love like blood to use for the invasion of organs, enabling a functioning organism to awake from its sleep and wash the feet of the world.

They will know we are Christians by his blood.

Birds Seek

Blue jays on blue days
swoop in and steal.
Eagles, bald and regal
dive in and kill.
Humming birds flit into flowers
sweet sugar they suck.
And the masses find feeders
thanks to luck.

None of them sow
and none of them reap.
Each has plenty of food
and its own way to seek.

None of them sit
on a wooden bench,
expecting their food
in portions of pinch-
well except those chicks
who are stuck in the twiggy nest.

They can hope for vomit at best.

I think we'd get to know him

The summer before sixth grade I started hanging out with a kid who was going into eighth grade. He was an amazing skateboarder and I looked up to him in many ways. We skated together most of the summer days and he was deeply invested in teaching me how to skate like he did. I was pretty touched and felt wanted. To me, we were best friends and I was cool because of it.

The catch comes with school hours. The first time I saw him at school I sprinted through a thick crowd of people, pushing and elbowing my way towards my idol. When I got to he and his friends and excitedly asked him what was up, he looked at me, turned to his friends and shrugged his shoulders saying, "I don't know who this kid is." They all smirked and walked away, leaving me crushed and alone in a violent sea of pre-pubescent drama. I was ready to quit everything.

This week I had the privilege of serving communion to and praying with a black-skinned, blue-eyed, mute, crippled, homeless man named Johnny. As our eyes met my heart broke because I was looking into the eyes of Jesus Christ. He was hungry, abandoned, and without the means to meet these needs. I was moved for obvious reasons but the one I want to discuss is related to the conviction I was graciously handed.

In that moment I realized that I had been singing songs to the same Jesus and praising him daily. I had been telling him that my will is less important to me than his. I had been telling him that what he needs me to do is what I want to do. But I had not been staring him face to face and meeting the needs I found there. I had not been taking seriously the invitation he gave at the end of Matthew 25. You see, Matthew 25 is not a list of requisites for salvation. It is a cheat sheet for those who are desperate to see and love Jesus.
He says, "So you want to know me? You want to serve me? This is where I'll be: Where there is hunger, where there is thirst, where there are those who don't fit in, where there is nakedness, where there is sickness, and where there is imprisonment or slavery. Meet me there!"

How beautiful would it be if I wanted to know Christ and the power of his love bad enough that I looked where he said to find it! Let us seek him in each other. Let's find him in our brokenness.

When we sing to and praise God in the building and then when we leave, look him in the eyes and tell our friends we don't know him, it must be confusing for him. We could talk about hypocrisy all day long, but there's no intimacy there. Why don't we just strive to achieve a consistency with our lives.

Let's say to him in song, "You are holy!" and then say to him in passing, "You are holy!"

Let's say to him in prayer, "Your will be done with my life." and then say to him in passing, "What do you need?"

I think we'll get to know him. I am.

We're buckets.

We are not made great by we know. We are made great by what we learn.

The struggle of life and reconciliation>the comfort of being right.

One requires trust in and submission to something greater, the other requires the pursuit of all things submitting to you. Let's allow our lives to be raw, with many tears and many more shoulders to cry on. If we are unwilling to experience the reality of the pain, we miss out on the reality of the joy. What I mean is that if we use a small bucket to scoop sand, it is the same bucket with which we scoop water. Let your bucket grow by becoming vulnerable to good and bad things, which is made possible through the realization that the Lord is sovereign and can be trusted. Vulnerability is not a part time job.

Let the pain Jesus scooped show you the size of his bucket. His capacity for holding water is sufficient for us all. The good news is that he doesn't hold it for long. He's in the business of pouring what he has over ALL peoples.

Stop knowing so much and start learning. What are you so afraid of?

God is the giver.

It has become very clear to me that only God can reveal himself.
We can say all of the right things, do all of the right things, think all of the right things, own all of the right things, read the whole bible, read thick theological books, etcetera, but none of these will reveal God until God choses to reveal himself through them.

Everything is here so he can use it to reveal himself. We're like paints for a painter and notes for a musician. My recent revelations have been things I already knew. Things I've read, heard, thought of, and even taught. Nothing is here now that wasn't before, but veils are being removed, and nothing is the same. Nothing will ever be the same.

God never changes, but he changes us so we may better see him. This is freedom. There's no need to worry anymore.  What I mean is that my role in your life and yours in mine is not about being God. It's about letting God be us. Let him do things in and through us- mysterious and invisible things that can only be seen by those who's eyes he opens in that moment. In other words, it's not my job to change you (unless, of course, you are an infant with a diaper full of nasty.) or yours to change me (I will have you know that I am a big boy now and can change my own diapers, thank you very much.) As many have said, embrace the blasphemy and let God be man.

I can teach you how to learn about who God is by exploring him myself and sharing with you what I've learned, but I can't teach you who God is or isn't. If how right or wrong I am will never change who he is, then why would you let it?
Ask him to teach you who he is. He will. Maybe He'll use me.

In the meantime, I guess I'll try and put what he teaches me into words. But as I've said, those are nothing but drops of paint and flat notes waiting to be painted and played. I've got nothing to offer you because he's the one who can give you things. I've got what he has given me to offer to him and he's taking it all with the smile of that weird creative guy who's up to something in the basement.
(Not George Clooney...Gross)
He's up to something and I think we should be excited about it. He sure seems to be.

Traditions

The other day I was playing with my buddy, Drew, when his mother told us to play quieter because the baby was asleep. So, being the four year old that he is, he turned to me and shooshed at the top of his lungs. Then he turned back around and began to "tip toe" across the kitchen floor. I put the action in quotes because he wasn't really tip toeing. He was violently stomping- on his toes- completely defeating the purpose of tip toeing.

It was adorable, but it also got me thinking about myself and other Christians. We constantly do stuff because we are "supposed to," but the way we do them makes  more racket than if we had just walked.

I believe in doing rituals and carrying on traditions. They work. But we shouldn't be doing things because "that's just what we do." When we act this way, we run the risk of stomping when we are supposed to be tip toeing because we don't truly understand the value tip toeing. Granted, Drew knows that he needs to be quiet, and he has very little practice doing so. Just as I know that I need to not think about myself when I'm preaching and have very little practice doing so. This is not an attack on style or skill.
This is an attack on knowing what tool "so and so" would use, but having no idea how or why.

Let's do these things, but let's know why we are doing them. It'd be a shame if communion became something that wasn't world changing. It'd be a shame if the Lord's prayer became an anthem rambled by many and sung by few. It'd be a shame if baptism had more to do with water or age than death and life. It'd be a shame if crosses became beautiful for any reason other than the fact that one led to life for the world. I'd hate to see people slander their brothers because of their style of tip toeing, stepping, dancing, sliding, or rolling across the kitchen floor.

Since when was it about traditions? I thought it was about joining Jesus Christ in loving the world.
Since when was it even about tip toeing? I thought it was about not waking up a baby.

We have mixed up our "hows" and "whys."

Vomit.

Today I threw up a lot. A whole lot.

Around 4 am I woke up and puked for the first time and continued to do so every thirty minutes until 5 this evening. It was a bummer, but I am never going to be the same.

I could share a lot of what I got out of it, but instead I'll just talk about one part. This part is less personal and more universal.

Every time I threw up, I immediately went to the fridge and drank some water so I would have something else to throw up in thirty minutes. I think I threw up about 95% of the water I drank, but retained enough to keep living. My  stomach must have known that water is good. It has been receiving it for its whole life. I don't think that the water was sent back up because it was bad. It was sent up because that was the program my stomach was running.

I must have water to live. But my body was in a mode in which even water was vomited back up.
I must have Truth to live. But my soul is in a mode in which even Truth is vomited back up.
I am blessed to have a Lord who is patient enough to keep pouring it into me, all the while knowing that most of it won't even be used. To Him, life is worth the time it takes. To Him, life is worth the smell of something good being heaved out of something bad.

Our sickness is what keeps the water from our tummies. Not the water. Let's be patient with each other and keep pouring love into hearts- Especially the dehydrated ones.

"The Heathens Need us because we are not them," is a false attitude: We don't build a well to get water that isn't already there!

(In a shouting voice)
I am sick of people (Myself included) saying, "I need to just be Jesus to them."
As if Jesus isn't being Jesus to them! Our job is to a part of His body, not for us to think that He is a part of ours!
And who are we to act like we are the ones He died for because we have joined Him? He died for us when we were sinners, not when we accepted Him!
He tells us very clearly in Matthew 25 that when we feed the hungry, we feed Him. When we clothe the naked, we clothe Him. When we serve the broken we are serving Him! Him! He is them, not exclusively us!
When one builds a well, he doesn't build it to create new water. He builds it to bring out the water that is already there. The water that has been there for years-long before the builder of the well was conceived.
The Spirit is in these people and we are to stimulate it, to tap into the underground river that violently awaits. Not talk to them out of a superiority as if we have something they don't.

Yes we are salt and yes we are light. But not in and of ourselves. We are because He is, and He is in them.

Let us not forget that we are in desperate need of a savior! I am judgmental. I avoid people who need me to love them. I run away from the Lord when he tries to comfort and confront me. I am addicted and afflicted. I sow hatred as well as love. I am a whore who constantly sells my God created beauty in attempt to fit in or be wanted by those who are doing exactly the same. It is clearly not me that does the illuminating! It is Christ in me!!!

I am blessed because I am the poor in spirit. I am blessed because I am thirsty for righteousness. I am blessed because I am in need of a savior and He knows that better than I do. I am blessed because He went to extreme measures- NOT ME! I am not blessed because I am disciplined or smart or a middle class American. I am not blessed because I go to a Christian College or because people think I'm something special. I am not blessed because I haven't starved before. I am blessed because the Lord of the universe has seen me flailing around in my own blood and he hurt for me and plucked me out of this pit!

We must see ourselves in the broken, for we are the broken. He is in them. Let's see that Jesus tells the truth. Let's see that they are Jesus to us! If Jesus is in the broken and we do not love the broken, we do not love Jesus or ourselves. Rules and culture can no longer separate people who love. We are Christ to them and they to us.

The United States of America is not the light of the world. We must stop thinking with this mentality. Jesus Christ and his followers are the light of the world and the salt of the earth. Some of the followers live in this place and many live in the other places. Let us not forget.

Desean

This Photo goes with the post "Little Black FIngers."

Little black fingers

Something that is really refreshing about truth is that each and every time we meet, it's as if we had never met before.

Tonight was monumental for me. My brother, Desean, was sitting in my lap and it took everything I had to cowboy up and not cry. He is about two, talking, but not with words yet. He is one of the most joyful human beings I know and I'm completely in love with him. We played for about forty minutes, but what moved me took about five seconds. He was putting his tiny fingers in my ring and playing with my bracelets when he opened his hand completely and grabbed onto my pointer finger. Time stood still as I studied all of the tiny joints and bones that gripped mine. His black hand squeezed my white finger like mine had done to many when I was his age. I felt the biological sameness and saw it more clearer than ever. Our hearts were completely connected and I lost it. My heart got hot and I felt water rush into position in my tear ducts. The intimacy was worth dying for.

There's no way I could put this experience into words. I'm trying, but as I reread this I see that it's just words. I know you know that we are equal. That's not what this is about. Equality has absolutely nothing to do with this. It used to, but now it can't. This isn't a "Well God loves them too." kind of issue. In the kingdom we are past that. We are not separate and equal, we are one and loved.

I will be completely honest and tell you that I don't believe in my self enough. My confidence as a songwriter is about as low as it could be. I throw away my poetry.(That rhymed) But I need to post this poem. I'm not seeking anything from you- finally, I'm free from that! This poem is from my heart. No matter how basic, how bad, how cheesy, how whatever it is, this is what it is and I'm satisfied. This paragraph is more for me than you, unless you can relate. If you can, just be who you freaking are. If your anything but that and accepted, wake up, it's not even you they are accepting. I'd rather be me and persecuted than fake and fit in. That's enough. The message of this poem is the one we need to hear.


Little Black Fingers

Little black fingers wrap around mine
gripping tight, like a desperate vine
Little wet eyes innocent shine
Look strait past mine.

Through my mind, into my heart
past the places that have fallen apart
past all of the muck, all the grime
all this racist bullshit built up over time.

Whoa to my ignorant past
when self preservation was my only task
my life set to wither and burn like a field of grass
now my brother is first, I'm last.

This boy has found with his youth
this thing in my heart, this undeniable truth
deep inside he had to dive
to find this light I can no longer hide.

Our fingers one, like our soul and mind
the supernatural bond defying all space and time
all my life I'll leave behind
to hold this boy, just one more time.

A man is a man, a boy a boy.
A breath is a breath, life yields joy.
A mind is a mind, a heart a heart.
We can no longer be split apart!
These walls are GONE! Can't you see?!
His heart is with mine, his heart is part of me.
This boy is my brother, quite literally.

We're the resurrected body, this I believe.

Open your eyes.

I can give nothing that I have not first received.
It is in prayer that we receive what the Lord has to give us. He has everything to give us, even Himself. If we receive His Spirit, which we have if we claim to be a Christ follower, we have the very presence of the God who created all things living within us. This truth leaves very little room for limits of any sort.

In receiving, we are enabling ourselves to give. In giving, we are enabling ourselves and others to know what love is. Through Christ and through Him alone I am able to love. I am able to give my life to other people, that He would be known.

When we lay hands on each other in prayer, is it different than when we don't? If not, then why do we do it? I am learning that when one lays hands on me, if I choose to receive what the Lord is giving me through them, I will receive. I think that's one reason that Jesus always says, "Your faith has healed you..." For how could one be healed if they weren't willing to be?

Faith for me is the trust that enables me to fully open myself, to be completely willing to change, and it is completely dependent on and rooted in the truth that there is no threat and no condemnation, no limit of power, nothing but grace, love and mercy that this God is offering.

Without this trust, I can not fully open up. If I can't fully open up, I can not receive.
When I pray, I should have a heart who is open to receive what the Lord has to give me. It is much like Eyes. When they are open, they are able to receive the light that is shining in our world. It is this reception that enables our brain to recreate and make sense of the world around us.

If we open the eyes of our hearts, we are positioning our hearts for reception of the light. Jesus Christ is this light and it is only through Him that we are able to see what is true.

Seeing and receiving are one in the same.

Let us pray with an intent to receive that is rooted in our trust that what He has to give is worth the risk of being open and vulnerable. He has given us no reason to doubt that He is good. Not one. If you have one, please let me know so I can ask Him about it. I find that when I think He's doing bad to me, I am actually just looking at His work with my eyes closed. (Everyone remembers the slimy spaghetti noodles in a box at halloween time that were labeled "Brains." Of course they are brains when you can't see them!)

Prayer and receiving is seeing. Seeing the Lord work, and yes, I mean healing by touch and all that stuff, is living. Let us live.

Let us let Him open our eyes to see His love working.

Music comes from a musician, not a piece of paper.

This morning I stood in chapel with many people who love the Lord. We were singing a beautiful song that everyone knew very well and things were great. Then we sang a line that made me want to curl up in a ball and hide from all of the people who would ever recognize me if they saw me in heaven.

"And we, the redeemed, shall be strong,
In purpose and unity;"

These were the words. Not so bad when you read them. They are so good and filled with truth. But when I sang them as if I believed them, I almost felt the Lord look at me with eyes that left me knowing one thing: I don't know what am talking about.

As I sang this verse, I quickly realized that within the ten minutes I had been in this room that was full of Christians, I had judged each and every one, harshly. I had done all I could to separate myself from them- even the ones I know and deeply love as family. I had destroyed them without even giving them a chance. They had no chance and I murdered them all.

I've been wrestling with my hypocrisy all day long and have been furious with myself. I constantly work to rebel against my father, leaving nothing but broken lives behind me. This event was seemingly out of my control. It wasn't like when I slip up and look at a girl the wrong way, that's, (to a certain extent), something I can fight. But the very nature of my heart! How can I fight such a monster?! It was like a violent flood from underground compared to the sprinkling rain of my lust. I would have lost even if it had occurred to me that fighting it was a possibility.

I can't fight my sinful heart. Well, I guess I can, but I will always lose. Christ fights my sin ,when I let Him, and He always wins. If this wasn't true, His whole shebang would have been a complete waste of life, wood, and nails.

What I am realizing is that a heart issue is a heart issue. For me to use my mouth and brain to inhale and exhale truth is great, but incredibly limited and the intimacy is severely stunted. I have been living this stuff out and seeing true growth and life, but my heart is still corrupt- So corrupt that as my mind and lips testify to the truth, it perfectly retaliates with a much stronger blow. The movements of the heart are far superior to those of any other part of this human. If this weren't true, then being adulterous for looking at a woman lustfully would sound like a joke. It is a joke to those of us who don't give our hearts to the Lord.

We must give it to Him. All of it. I have "given Him all of it," with my mouth and my mind, but my heart has not stopped to listen. My mind and lips have spoken, but it is not until my heart can listen to the words of The God, that it will truly speak.

My heart is not changed by asking for it. It is changed by listening to Him. He speaks perfect words to it and it must begin to let them seep deep into the cracks before any life is lived. His truth is like a seed that must be planted beneath the surface before it could ever grow into something relevant to anyone or thing above the ground.

The truth that He has been speaking to me is the best news ever thought. I am set free from this. I have life when I let Him.

My heart is like an instrument and my mind is mere sheet music. You can write notes on a page all day long, but it's nothing until the musician picks up an instrument. The best musicians don't even use the sheet music anyway, and society thinks they're jazz music is crazy until they finally realize that John Coltrane was a genius!

The musician is waiting very, very patiently.
He's not patient because the issue is not urgent in his eyes. He is patient because He knows music is in the space between the notes more than in the notes themselves. He is patient because He knows very well that redemption is worth every, single moment, breath, word, and life it takes.

Stop.

After you read this, stop.
Don't go back to facebook or anything else.
Find a small place and sit. Alone.
Be quiet and let the silence make you uncomfortable.
Let the silence draw your worries from your heart and mind. Let the silence facilitate your iniquity like water does a drop of red dye.
Let yourself be exposed and quiet for just one minute.

Find the Lord in silence. Be real with yourself and be real with Him and let Him be real with you.

We have forgotten that water is not a product of a water bottle, cup, spigot, etc. Let's enjoy the water at the source.

Be still and know that He is God.(Psalm 46.10)

Ughhh...

Watch this video before you read any more.

http://www.cnn.com/video/#/video/us/2010/07/29/ricks.burn.koran.cnn?iref=allsearch

I could go on and on about the things that bother me in this video, but I will choose to abstain. Most of my rant would do more damage than good, so I will touch on one thing, as it seems to be a hill for me to die on.

We as Christians are not here to "rid the world of evil." We are not here to hate people who we think are wrong and we are not here to fight people who appear to not like us. (When we do things like this on or off TV , I don't think anyone likes us.)


We are here to love the world, not to condemn it.


The world sees this preacher and thinks that we are all just like him as this preacher sees a few activists and thinks a whole religion is like them. If there's a place in Christ's message that says to burn the other guys' book because it's wrong and ours isn't, please point it out. If there's a place that says to love those who don't think like us, or "enemies," please point it out. I know that the latter shows up often enough that it makes me uncomfortable.

What are we supposed to be doing?

Sometimes when everyone is running in the same direction, a few should stop and look around to see where they are. People move in packs and it's good for the leaders to be looking at the terrain.

I've been watching church people and the rest of the world quite closely. The two groups look very similar and it concerns me. The church has begun to persecute the world, when Christ said the other would be true.

We have let church become about moral code. It is very focussed on following rules and this is not an inviting way to be. We have gotten very good at building walls between ourselves and the world that do nothing but exclude them from our lives. We have decided that they are bad, and therefore must be kept away from us. It only makes sence that we act the way we do, for the culture in which we live has taught us to be this way. We are more influenced by the world we are trying to push away than we are by the love we should be pursuing.

As a culture, we run away from things instead of to them. What I mean is that when we realize that fast food makes us fat, instead of stopping with the fast food, we paint the signs green and change the names of the crap we like to eat. Instead of solving a problem, we mask it. We should instead learn to eat well. The pursuit of a solution not only defeats the enemy of the situation, but brings us into the shelter of the solution.

Instead of running away from the darkness, we should run to the light. If we run to light, darkness will be lost. But if we run from darkness, we will have our eyes behind us and therefore will never find the light. We usually just run in circles if we have no light to look at. When we are caught in rain, we spend very little time running from the rain. We spend all of our time running to a place of cover(Hmm... There's an idea). Luckily, the cover has run to us.

For us to make it about the rules we do or do not follow is for us to take the control into our own hands. Yes, rules are good, but good Lord, so are parents if they do their job right! But look at the damage of bad parenting! We have made Christianity all about being right instead of about knowing Christ. We have made it about converting the world to our system and when they don't conform, we work to prove that they should be killed or at least persecuted and ridiculed. This is not what Christ was like! He spent very little time with the people who had all the rules down.(Pharisees)

When we make our lives about what rules we do or don't follow, we teach ourselves to seek life in our own efforts. This mocks the life that Christ offers us. It is not about what we can do, but about what HE has done and is doing. What if God was actually viewed as infinite? What if we actually acted like we were never going to be able to comprehend Him? I think it'd be easier to let go of ourselves and grab onto Him.

When we come before the throne and are humble because of how great HE is, instead of because it's what we are supposed to do, we will grow. When we can realize that we are not great and that it is literally impossible to achieve true, life by way of our own efforts, we will grow. When we see that life is a gift and not a paycheck, we will grow.

Life is given to those who follow Jesus Christ. It only makes since that this would be true because HE is headed to a place that only HE knows how to get to. If you're with Him, you'll end up there, if not, I hope you find light in your dark circles.

When you realize that your life is not about what you do, but about who you belong to, you will find yourself in such a state of pure joy that can only be found in eternal liberation, that human walls will be forgotten. You will find that what you do is no longer what you are. While it is true that I am a white, American, college kid who plays guitar, these are mere pebbles to the planet of my identity as God's child. We must find ourselves and each other in Him before anything else. For us to define ourselves or others by any other thing is for us to make a pebble into a planet.

He has offered it to all of us, separating Himself from no one, even when I work to separate myself from Him. I am called to do the same.

I am a child of God by His grace and mercy, not by my own efforts or understanding. I believe that it is the same for you. If you disagree, prove it.

Let's love everyone as if we believed that HE does.

Erosion.

I've been to dry places that have lines that show that water has been there before.
I've sat in a seat that had dents in it that perfectly fit the butt of the person who used it for many years before me.
My brother's slip ons that are just like my slip ons, don't fit my feet; they are shaped to his.
There are people who smile so often and so genuinely that when they're not smiling, they have cracks by their eyes that tell you, "smiles happen here often."
One of my mentors worships so often that his body has tuned into a temple where lots of worship clearly happens. His eyes look like they spend a lot of time seeking. His voice sounds like it spends a lot of time thanking. His back looks like it spends a lot of time bowing. His mind thinks like it spends a lot of time receiving. His heart beats like it is an instrument. His arms look like they spend a lot of time in the air.

We will become worshipping beings when we worship so much that it becomes who we are, even when it's who we're not.
We are Christ's.
Do we look like it yet?

If the river in the grand canyon went away, we'd still clearly see that it single handedly created the canyon itself. The coolest part is that the river who is carving me will never, ever, dry up. That's the nature of living water. It erodes the flesh of the earth to create an absence of earthly matter that is, in itself, the object of beauty and the living proof of the true and responsible, living organism.

Family.

My heart is broken.
It's really good though.
Something about the absolute presence of my Savior in the midst of a storm is far greater than any presence on a sunny day.
We don't deserve this love,
but oh man,
let's grab onto it.
Life is worth sharing.

He loved us first.

Have you ever been the first lover?
What I mean is, have you ever loved someone completely before they loved you?
If you are a parent, you can probably say yes.
I am learning about loving someone first and experiencing the tenderness that comes with it.
It's remarkably painful, but does not destroy hope and life as most pain does. Pain is often the foreshadow to, or symptom of, something worse than the pain itself. For example, when I have a masquito bite, it itches because there is a substance that has been injected into my skin and my body knows that it needs to be removed. My body urgently responds with fingernails to try and uncover the alien substance.

But the pain I am talking of is good pain. It is the kind that I think God feels often. I just sat in my room alone for a while because I didn't want to be around anyone. I was feeling a pain in my chest because there's a person who I know feels less for me than I do for them.

The good thing that this pain has taught me is that my love is for the other person more than it is for me. Most of the people I have deeply fallen in love with had been showing me that they loved me more than I loved them. It's easy to love those who clearly love you, but to love those who don't, calls for supernatural assistance.

As I prayed and thought about things, I began to remember the scriptures about how Love is not that we loved God, but that he loved us. This now makes more since than ever before.

When we love first, we are risking all that we have. We are putting our entire heart out there and hoping that it is met with the same kind of offering. But often, humans respond to our offering with things that look nothing like hearts and they pierce ours. But God will never do this. God has offered all that he is- FIRST- and we responded with nails. We jammed nails into the deepest cavities of God's heart and his blood was spilled. He has forgiven us for the things we do to his heart, all that we may give him ours.

I am learning to give him what I have, and I am so glad that he is able to take the bad stuff. When I offer my heart to him, he receives something covered in shrapnel and filled with poison. He is able to clean out the things that will not mix with his heart and make my heart one with his. It's like when I have a big ball of clean play dough and my buddy, Drew has a small one with rocks and dirt mixed into it. I have learned to clean out the dirt before pressing the mush together to form one ball. I don't make Drew clean it before returning it to me. But I do help him understand how to keep dirt from ever entering it.

If we learn to offer our hearts only to God, we will then see our hearts offered to others. This is because God is a God who loves his people and loves to give himself to them. When we are a part of his heart, and he gives his heart to others, we are given to others. We will certainly still be pierced, maybe even more than before, but at least we get to be pierced with God instead of away from him. We are told to take up our cross. Let's not be surprised when we see what it is used for.

When we meet with Jesus, we love. When we love, we give. When we give, we risk pain, that an other may be delivered from their own. When I nail a nail into Christ's heart, I no longer have the nail.

God is waiting in his room
for his people to realize
that He is in love with them.
Let's go together to become one with him and therefore each other.

Let's respond to His holy offering with our broken one.

Psalm 51.17
(Read all of Psalm 51, it's ridiculously good.)

Sobriety

I am not going to write a blog post about how prohibition will fix all of our problems. If anything, I think that prohibition will create much bigger problems than we are currently facing. I am not a prohibitionist. The study of history has led me far from the prohibitionist stance.

I find sobriety to be a precious thing. When we are sober, we have control over our mind. When we have control over our mind, we are able to submit the control we have to an other. When we pray, we are essentially submitting control to a greater being than ourselves.

If we have no control, we can give no control.
If we can give no control, we can't submit to the will of an other. If we can't submit to the will of an other, we are selfishly living out our own will instead of that of the Father.

I am not saying that alcohol or drugs are wrong. I am not saying that being drunk or high is wrong. I am simply saying that when we are drunk or high, it is harder to effectively pray. When we are drunk or high, our thoughts and actions are not in our own control. When we are controlled by something else, we are not the ones who decide where the power goes.

Maybe we like to be intoxicated because we like to be controlled by an outside source.

What if we could channel this desire to be controlled in a better way?

Please be careful about what controls you. Money, drugs, girls, guys, alcohol, fame, credit, looks, and authority are all bummers when they are made more important than we are.